Startled and why..?

I am startled with myself…startled that I still find certain events shocking..certain events unnerve me and make me want to scream….because we are so shocked by human behavior…

Behavior we have taught each other..attitude..actions..many which go unnoticed in our daily walk..but pile up and accumulate..and eventual steamroll and land us in the biggest puddle we have ever encountered..

I have watched the news of the young man whom was killed and I have watched the public slowly decide that this young man deserved to die..his actions as a young, black man in this country have been concluded as worthy of death..and barely anyone is batting an eye…

The man who killed him..claims it was self defense..and for that I must laugh..

I have been in too many situations where I have had to practice and thus perfect the fine art of self defense…a childhood filled with abuse and my fight to make it through the next three seconds…my marriage to a man who toppled me in size in triplicate…and then my sons…each bigger and more aggressive than I had ever taught them…someone else snuck in and showed them things I wish they had never seen..because it is now near impossible to make them go away..and they occupy a part of our consciousness and decide many, many actions and words we do…

We are stunned as a society of the behavior of our young people…we are stunned when they are aggressive..or when a young person has to fight to the death for their right to live..to breath..we are stunned by the hate and violence and sexual verbiage that spews out of their mouths…and we wonder where has that arisen from…?

Does anyone look around..? does anyone pay attention…? does anyone look at what we have created in our beings…things we now find as acceptable as breathing..and do as easily as brushing our teeth…

We are more concerned and focus our attention with blinders on to what is happening in another country…at our workplace..and down the street..rather than what is happening within our own country..our own people..our own thoughts…

We have made it a national pastime to save our environment..to repair what the plastic bottles and the oil spills have done to this land…yet we have no desire to change the filth..or even address the panic of hate we have ensued upon each other in pleasing forms..

We have addressed the national health care crisis with such vigor..it is unnerving…and being one who is facing a degenerative disease..I hope for medical care…yet I do not have to worry about what this disease will do to me..end my life..make me at the whim of others…because most likely someone will end my life..because we as a society have decided my life is not worth spit…

We as a society have decided that children are pawns to use and destroy for our pleasure…we wonder how we have come to that conclusion…and then I giggle…we dress them up in provocative clothes and adorn them with makeup..giving the illusion of plastic..so they are not real..thus do not count..and are available for our use…

And we wonder…how did they learn that..?…how did they learn to be sexual and bring attention to themselves..?…does anyone look around..?…do we see how we dress…?…I find myself trying to find anywhere else to look when I encounter most women and their attire…the necklines..the tight fit..and I am called a prude because I wear clothes bigger than my frame or that are modest and again I must giggle…

Does anyone see the shows on television and the music which blares at us..screaming how we need to learn to be more loose..let it go..express ourselves….and we wonder where did they learn this…? …where have they come about with such notions that sex at eleven..and oral sex on the school bus was acceptable..?..I wonder….

We protest..and march in front of the government about our environment..and the starving nations..yet two blocks..maybe less from where I sit..and you sit..someone is starving..because we in this country have decided who is worthy of food..housing..clothing..by conditions we create..by beliefs originated through status..color..and the landscape of diplomacy we seem to think we have…

We do not need to worry about the other nations and how they are going about messing up their lives…we do not need to worry about what is happening to the environment…crazy thing is…the environment will repair itself…yet can we repair ourselves…will we even be around to worry about the ozone..health care..farming…or will we kill each other off and smile as we do it…

We have created a system of thought..a boat load of ammunition to use against each other…and we give it credibility due to race..gender..privilege..and we have no clue what we are doing…

When we as a society have reduced ourselves to killing each other over young men having their pants down around their butts…hoodies hiding our faces…and the shoes upon our feet…we have become a sorry..sorry mess…

We invest more in the refrigerator we by..what car we drive…and the middle finger we can flip the person standing on the corner…than we do about the look we just gave the child..the negligence we have relegated to mothers..women…the inconsequential words that tumble out of our mouths..to tell others their place in this world…and we do it with such a fake form of grace…

I no longer worry about the environment..waterways..healthcare…or even what the president is doing and who wants his position so they can lie and manipulate us into action and disease…

I worry about my neighbor..who thinks talking about me..the divorced woman…is a slut..and she thinks I want her husband…I worry that she will continue in her frenzy to allow herself to be led to the trough of thoughts that says a blond..blue eyed divorced woman is a slut and after her husband…all because I have chosen to not look like the rest of this world and feed into their system of thought..

I worry about areas of town I step into and have it quickly known this is not my place to be…and that another would rough me up..call me names…and quite possibly end this life because I stepped into a block..a business which was not for this woman to be at..

I worry that women are not safe in daylight..and the most dangerous place for us is in our own homes..with those we are intimate with..with those we gave life too…and if we speak about it..are angry..protest..we are seeking drama..and silenced with more crap than I know what to do with…

I worry about the children that are bullied..and we tell them to buck up..tell them there will be a better day…and there wont be…I worry about the child that is not safe in our front yards..in school..or many other places…

I worry about the man who thinks a good lunch break is at the local strip club…and that is his choice…

I worry how we got here…I know how I got to where I am…and I do not think I am alone…I just have decided life is short and I need to talk…some call it stupidity…some call me negligible..some seriously try and silence this voice…I call it courage…because I am lifting up the rocks…I am wondering where we have gone…

Does anyone know…?

Advertisements

~ by HopeGlenn on March 28, 2012.

4 Responses to “Startled and why..?”

  1. You put this together really well Mandy.
    I feel the same way about most of these subjects about morals and standards that have been discarded or unobserved by new generations.

    I read somewhere that this generation should be called the
    ‘Me Generation’.?
    Anyway,
    I appreciate the way you express your thoughts.

    Like

  2. Is this not on the same lines?

    “It is a world completely rotten with wealth, power, senility, indifference, puritanism and mental hygiene, poverty and waste, technological futility and aimless violence, and yet I cannot help but feel it has about it something of the dawning of the universe.”
    -Jean Baudrillard

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

 
%d bloggers like this: