On the way to my life….

Something interesting happened on the way to my life…envy…a word I can barely stomach…and barely want to say…

I can handle or capture on some level the word jealousy..but not envy..Jealousy is something we have all experienced whether in a huge amount or just as a passing point…I have been jealous…I have been intolerant and wanted something another has had..yet not to the point of doing another harm to obtain that item..or position…in whatever form I decide to go about that action..of letting my jealousy rule me…

Yet envy has reared its head and caught me off guard…perhaps you were waiting for me to say I have had envy..I have not..yet I got to be the recipient of envy and it knocked me off my feet…and I still have not gotten back on steady ground…and I think it will take a bit of time…and if we are honest with ourselves we will admit that having the wind knocked out of you..takes a bit of time to recover from…

Jealousy is defined as…intolerance..guarding of ones possession…not wanting to share…and unfaithfulness..and that rings in as an angry position…

Envy involves malice…it involves a form of hate towards another..because they either have something you so desperately want or they are something you so desperately want to be…

Envy will make one  take desperate measures to obtain that quality..or control that quality… by diminishing it in another human being…making them dirty…making them something they are not…and for the moment one feels better…because they were able to bring another person to their level…but not really…because we have created an illusion…a picture created within one’s mind…

That is what we as people do…we diminish others….we tell them negative things so they question themselves…and then when they vocalize those fears..we smile…and tell them they are being silly…and then the smile returns because we have caused another to falter in their step..to trip..to doubt…

And we do it out of a festering envy…because we believe we cannot be what they are…that we cannot be kind..and the only reason one cannot be kind..gracious..loving…peaceful..is by choice…

Choices are made many times throughout a day…events are brought about to each of us..and we choose..we choose sides..opinions..attitudes…and each of them determine what we create inside of ourselves…who we are as this human being…

I made choices early on in my life…because I encountered many events where I had to choose…there was never a moment…never an instant..where there was not a choice available to me…and I made my choice…

My choice was not to repay evil for evil…to remain pure of heart…and to fight for justice..not take out revenge and wield it like some glorious weapon..covered in blood…

My choice was to tuck away innocence and then have it when it was safe to bring it out and feel it…it has been recently that I have engaged myself in feeling my innocence..of cherishing the feeling of being in awe of simple things…things I never knew existed…things I wrap around this person when another tries to bring me to their envy..their hate…

It has been my choice to be aware..to look about myself…to note how people are operating…those in and out of my life….and every day I am given opportunities of choice..and I still choose what I have chosen as a child of two..pure of heart..justice..sweet innocence..hope..awareness…

And these are the things which anger people…and that I do not understand…and the playing field I will not enter….the position I will not take…

I had hoped that this commentary of my life at the present would make others take notice..I had hoped today’s blog would make others think..and pause…and turn a different direction…and maybe they will…yet I must be concerned with this soul…and I have been knocked off my feet..I have been dismayed….and I will sit in this today…and still be in shock…I will not have indifference…I will not brush this off..my heart will ache…because one is envious about a choice I made…a choice which was the simplest..easiest choice I have ever made…light instead of dark…..

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~ by HopeGlenn on March 26, 2012.

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