May I ask…..

Today I must do something we as people are told not to do…I ask for encouragement…rather than give it..I ask for the hand of grace..thought of grace..moment of grace be extended to me..

Some may cringe and pull back..some may tell me to seek God and gather my strength from that..yet I am doing what this soul truly needs…I am doing what I seek in my moments of doubt…to know I am not alone in this today..to know that I am not alone with this pain ricocheting from point to point within this body…frail and tired at this moment..and needed grace upon her in slow, easy drops…

I cannot handle the flood today..not after last night…I cannot handle the quotes today…not after my dreams…I cannot handle much of anything today…except the slow, steady words of being lifted to a source..a being that has allowed me today and all that is coursing through me…

I want someone..anyone..someone to pull this spine from this body…and allow me to crumple on the floor…I want to hear someone say..it is okay that I feel like I cannot do today…without tears making me stumble about my space…I do not want to do this today..or ever again…

It is within the reality of this moment…one connects to all that is of any value to them..one connects to all the hopes, dreams and desires that have been sitting with them forever…and one realizes the time is drawing near..closer and closer..and everything they thought they should be doing is somehow overshadowed by what they need to be doing…like that little poke in the side…which eventually turns into that board to the side of the head..because one refuse to pay attention…it is my voice today asking for comfort…and allowing myself to be the weak..person…all in a bundle of pain..tears..and fear..that I will be rejected..

It is this overwhelming need to make everyone comfortable with my death…my step out of this space and into another…it is my desire to be remembered…and perhaps maybe one thing I have said..written..will have changed the slant on things of this world…it is perhaps the thought that this forty-nine year old woman..is sixteen today and remembering what the moment of first love felt like..and thinking she would have stayed right there..and never gone away…

It is simply asking…to understand..how another can lay hands on another in malice…it is simply asking how one can have love…defined differently than their version..and toss it aside…it is simply asking… to know how long this must endure in me…how long must I take this step and wince…

It is simply asking…

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~ by HopeGlenn on February 22, 2012.

2 Responses to “May I ask…..”

  1. MY HEART GOES OUT TO YOU AT YOUR TIME OF NEED. IF I COULD TAKE AWAY YOUR PAIN I WOULD DO THAT FOR YOU SO ALL I CAN DO AT THIS TIME IS LISTEN AND PRAY FOR YOU. KNOW THAT YOU WILL NEVER BE FORGOTTEN. I LOVE YOU MANDY GIRL. BIG HUGSS…<3

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