Perception

Im twisted today….a bit in a fog…trying to muddle my way through these feelings which are holding me captive. I want to hide, be invisible and pretend that I do not exist in this moment. I want to explain..yet the words stumble upon my tongue and I attempt to reach inside me and pull them out.

I want a hug..yet I want no one to touch me. Because they might see that today I cannot be strong…no matter how strong I have been in the past…Today I need to be encouraged and be told over and over that I am worthy of being loved and listened to.

I want to be accepted even when I feel this way..I want honesty and simple smiles as my insecurities make their appearance like roaring dragons today…I want to be the complexity of me and the simpleness of me…

So I stand back, place my feet squarely on the ground and with the shakey voice, tell you that my insecurities have gotten the better of me…that I cannot believe at this moment…I cannot see because I feel blinded. That I cannot step forward today and have to stay in this until I can wrap my arms about it. I must weep because I hate this. And I must say that it is okay that I am here…there is magic within speaking those words. In stating that I am wrestling with myself and not those around me…That I am doubting, restless and will ask a million stupid questions….

And I will hope…I will be encumbered by hearing the pain in this world…that I will want to make it all better…that I wish I had the means to stop the weeping of this world..that I had the ability to erase..

For now..I will accept me in this silliness which occupies me for the moment.

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~ by HopeGlenn on January 28, 2012.

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