That’s Right…

•September 5, 2017 • Leave a Comment

Oh my..my thoughts and feelings exactly.

Blog of a Mad Black Woman

For the past couple of years, my abusive ex-husband, CJC has kept me very busy. In fact, in 2015, he himself was very busy. Very busy indeed. All behind my back.

I’ve said time and time again, the truth always prevails. Good is always a winner over evil – no matter how long it takes.

CJC stalked my blog and tried to use it again me, eventually resulting in an epic fail (and I don’t use the word ‘epic’ often). As I am a lovely person, I am dedicating this post/song to him. Just ignore the very last sentence.

Have a great day everyone!

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New!!!!

•August 30, 2017 • Leave a Comment

Now doing videos on You Tube, follow link. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=n10hX3QKiFI

Narcissist Exposer #14 — Blog of a Mad Black Woman

•August 23, 2017 • 1 Comment

They want to know what you are doing and when you plan to do it. They have to know every particular detail about what you are doing so that they are confident while out gathering other supply. Not knowing where you are and risk getting caught might throw them off their game. The other reason […]

via Narcissist Exposer #14 — Blog of a Mad Black Woman

New!!!!

•August 16, 2017 • Leave a Comment

Now doing videos on You Tube, follow link. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=n10hX3QKiFI

•August 11, 2017 • Leave a Comment

Awareness, the aha moment, the I figured it out, usually does not come in a gentle moment.

It comes usually after you have driven down a winding mountain road..with a downpour that resembles the flood..and the windows are so fogged up..you can only drive at a snails pace. And you are not even sure if you are on the road anymore.

That is what coming into awareness..knowledge entails..

The dark night of the soul.

It usually shows us what we contain within our soul and what we really want.

And the arduous path is what forges it within us.

Struggles, situations, moments are presented to us with the goal of refining our choices.

Determining our wants, needs, desires and how to achieve them.

One is always offered two options and from there they decide. And that decision propels you into the next decision.

The great part about decisions and choices is you can make another choice at any time.

And go forth in that direction.

Yet you must deal with the results of the previous choices, the previous direction you were once headed.

Some people do not mind that and some people do.

Some have the mentality that what is done is done and they have changed their mind and that is it.

Sadly it does not work that way.

I only discover what the direction I need to be going, by slamming into a few walls.

Walking into a dark room with small pin lights to illuminate the next step in front of us.

And the greatest part of this is faith..trusting that the pathway will reveal itself as you reveal yourself.

As you reveal what you are after, what you are pursuing, the path will show itself.

And the question begged of you is this…Are you sure..?

Incidents, occurrences, events will all line up just for you.

It will refine our choices to the finest silver and gold.

It will show the fiercest of gems and the brightest blue sky.

It will make or break us.

It will be us, by our choices.

These choices are never formed in a party or the sweet amble through the woods.

And decisions are usually made and determined from our soul as we gaze upon the scars and wounds dressed upon our body.

It is through the fire we determine what we are and what we will put forth in this world.

And how much time will we spend on the games with others who like to keep you blind.

And how much time will you spend on the making of you.

Asset or Hindrance..?

 

I love how life talks…

•August 4, 2017 • Leave a Comment

Everything comes at just the right moment..not a nanosecond before or after.

Exactly when you need that information.

Kind of like the truth..it always comes out..exactly on time.

Not on time for anyone else..but for you.

I heard a quote yesterday in my travels.

Love to listen to podcasts as I drive.

This is what was said..

An apology can only be given to another only when the act was accidental..the person had no intention of doing anything to another person warranting an apology.

So a narc/abuser/sociopath/psychopath can never ever apologize.

Hmmm..let that percolate…

They know this…down to the tee..

That is why they use it…because it is not genuine.

An apology can only be offered to another when one accidentally does something to another.

Classic example would be bumping into another…oh excuse me..I am sorry.

We, especially women have been trained to apologize for everything, even breathing.

We apologize so much for our mere existence and that it must have been a mistake the way we are that we..starve ourselves to present a society acceptable version of the female body..yet this is usually induced from one being shamed because shameful acts have been done to the woman/girl child

Or..

We put enough makeup on our faces to plaster the entire kingdom of make up make believe land..

Or..

We become as big as a tank which is fear and shame in its most angriest form and keeps people away..

The anger part is good, yet it is self directed..so that is not okay.

So apologies can only come from accidental acts..not intentional acts.

An abuser..etc..does things with intention under full knowledge of what it will do..with full knowledge of repeating the act ..when you have accepted the apology..under the belief they did not mean it and wont do it again.

A good soul apologizes because they did not mean to do something to another and apologizes with the full intention of never letting it happen again.

See the difference…?

So apologizing can only be from accidental occurrences.

So why are we accepting apologies from morons..who are trying their damnedest to destroy you..?

And why are they doing it..?

Simply for the reason that you are so filled with light and love and they chose puke, poop and evil.

How many times have you braced yourself for the okay I accept your apology..I forgive you..for the same act done a million and one times done to you..?

How many times have you changed the direction you are going..changed plans..rerouted because you know the thing apologized is going to happen again..and again..?

Like 5 zillion..Im close I know.

How many times did my ex-husband the father of my children apologize for beating his children and said it would not happen again..he was just a bit frustrated..

I have lost count..

How many scars are upon my body from my ex-husband because I stepped into the line of fire of his false apology..

I have lost count..

How many times have you heard..geez you are so sensitive..if you didn’t do that I would not have to be doing that…?

You see these evil people do everything with the intent of taking life from people..and not people like them..pardon me..meat suits..

But from people like you and me..

People so filled with light and love..people who have chosen LOVE over everything..

We cannot even fathom wounding another to get something from them..

It is like telling me to go kick my kid learning to ride a bicycle..

That is what an apology from meat suits is about..

See you focused, trying to accomplish something, see you unsteady cause you are learning, and then call your name so you turn around and then kick the bike and say..it was an accident and why are you not paying attention..

Because they know how we are wired..we would never think..that act was intentional because we would never do it.

Like when my youngest son was roller- blading, he was 3 years old..and I was holding his hand and my ex said let his hand go..let him hit the pavement..he wont do it again right..haha..

So what you think..he wanted the best for him..or was he well on his way of making me look like the overprotective, weak mother..who never wanted her children to leave her apron strings..?

Apology is asked with the heart of making a mistake..knowing there was no intention of hurting another..so one apologizes..and the act is never repeated again..

That is a true apology.

A meat suit apologizes, or uses the words with glee knowing they have wounded you, with full intent of causing you soul harm and hopefully physical harm.

And when you react they proclaim to the world how unforgiving, cold, angry, frigid you are..

So..look at the person apologizing..

What are they about..?

Accept accordingly if they are not a meat suit…and watch it never happen again.

Tell the meat suits…

To go to hell..not a long trip for them..they sitting in the hot box wanting a cool drink..dont be that drink..

be the person..that when you apologize..you never have to say it again.

Be that person, that others know, you mean your apologies..and that you aint apologizing for another’s crimes..that they full on meant to do..

Live a life..that does not require you apologizing for breathing..

Life a life of intent..

Live a life of purpose..

Live a life that causes others to look away from their cell phone, pads and television..

Apologies..

Can only come from truth and sincerity.

Not from a meat suit playing the pity violin..

 

 

Dont Worry

•July 31, 2017 • Leave a Comment

Dont worry, you will find it. It is out there, so close waiting for you to find it.

It calls to you when you are closer than before.

It has leaves down from the heavens down to you and lie at your feet.

It suddenly whips through the high branches of the trees, calling your eyes upward.

It breathes the warm as your hand touches the cold of the word that once spoke doubt.

It is the light air balloon, bubbles that fill you, when you swear you are a filled with lead, glued to that place.

Dont worry, it hears your voice, knows the sound, is always waiting, never hides.

Dont worry, you have come forth and all that you thought you were has passed away, passed on by like the snake shedding its skin and the sudden bluster of air forcing its way through you.

Dont worry, you are not at a buffet of all the foods you dislike and have to choose the lesser of evils.

Before you stands you.

The person who was there taking the blows, heard the words, bled as you did and do.

They never changed.

They are in the words of doubt you spoke that this meat suit just might be wrong, and that they were trying to hide something so mighty and so valuable from you.

Dont worry, you are right about each and every thought that came upon this forehead, some had words and some never spoken.

Dont worry you do not want to erase the words that came forth from your mouth as actions and words were thrown at you like land mines and grenades.

They each are perfect and your response was perfect for the chaotic evil meant to hang you up from the neck.

Dont worry, you will learn how to breath again, you will feel your heartbeat steady and musical within your being.

Dont worry, the nightmares will cease, yet the tears will remain as they continually wash away every bit of grime inflicted upon you that soap and water did nothing to clean.

Dont worry, tears will come at the blue of the sky and the sweetness of a hot cup of tea, and the giggle with a tear down the cheek as you sit and eat an ice cream cone.

Dont worry, the need to binge watch television for another story or ways to escape this life will fade away, without leaving stains on the floor, and your eyes will be directed into another direction and you will find what you like these eyes and ears to take in.

Dont worry, you never left, you were not killed, nor forgotten.

You are like the sweet honeysuckle scent that dances upon the wind.

You are the breeze that moves the hair off the shoulder and wraps gently around you like the shawl from one you love.

You are the smile contained within the simple gesture of hello.

Dont worry, you are endless.

Dont worry, nothing is impossible.

This I know better than anything..

For what I was told I could not have, could not be, could not say…is all gone like the useless words spoken to create illness in a soul.

Dont worry,

Everything that was taken, is being given back.

Everything that was stolen, is returned new.

Everything that was dirtied, has been restored.

Everything that once turned away, can only see you.

Dont worry

You have not changed, been remodeled and have to live in a split level when you are a bungalow.

Dont worry.

You are still here, and the adventure awaits.

Whether it is to travel to places you only read about in books, try things you were told were not for you, or sit quietly by the water watching the dragonflies dance…

Do it..

In each thing you do, you will see you.

And you will see that you are not being discovered, did not go anywhere, were not killed off, are not damaged and need to be put out to pasture, or incapable of finding love or being love.

You will find you were right there all along and what they were trying so hard to make go away, to snuff out, to put in a box and have just for them to dance upon their being.

They did not count on you living and breathing again.

They thought they could open the box and place the gem upon their hand and they would look good..it never worked..the gem does not shine for evil.

It waited patiently for you.

It is for you.

It is you.

You are the gem.

The magnificence that lives, breathes and loves.

You are not the lies, the damage, the secrets and shame.

Nope..

Place your hand upon that wild heart..feel it beat..

You are that person feeling this breathe thinking..oh my..

How could I be so fortunate to be here..to see this wind, to see the tree sway with that wind, to feel the sun kiss these cheeks, to see the blue and to laugh and cry at the same time..

You are that being..that knows this is what you are.

You are that.

 
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