The great SO WHAT….

•December 19, 2014 • Leave a Comment

As I previously stated…and being my word for 2015….LOVE will be what I talk about….

Loving myself…recognizing myself…is all part of this….

Buddha has a great thought….

“If one purposes to speak…always ask yourself….is it true…is it necessary…is it kind…”

Buddha

Pause for a moment and think about that….

How many times in a day..a lifetime..do we hear….

I am doing this because I love you…I did it because I love you…It is done in love…or simply I love you….(which in all honesty when someone says that sometimes…I cringe)

Love for many..is the right…in their minds to tell you what you should be doing for them…and how they want it done…and not a second later…if they choose to ignore your desire…your heart…well….just deal with it…

It is a belief we can talk about another without their presence about…because we are doing it in love…we care so much…we had to talk about you…just so we could figure out how to correct you….

It is like to Google another…because well their information is our information…

Just because another does not tell you all the oops and hallelujahs in their life…does not mean you have the right to seek them out….

So in the guise of love…we kill….

A friend of mine…has a sister….who talks about him frequently…and she said..she had a right…to talk about him behind his back…because she knew best…he was a screw up right….?

Sorry but the only screw up in the picture was she…

To not extend grace to another…is like placing them in your toilet and they get well crapped on…

Loving is it not…?

And one other point about love is this…

Love produces love…what you put out…comes right back at you….

So either duck..or brace yourself…because when love…true love comes at you…it will knock you into next week…righteous feeling…(watch the movie Maleficent and you will get a moment to capture…true love…)

And when hate disguised in a pretty package fornicating as love presents itself…it kills…

So you want love…

Then get on with it…get on with your life….

For the love of peanut butter…stop hanging onto those things that happened to you…and all the wrongs done to you…

Move forward…

But many will not….because stroking the sick kitty is so much more fun…

My big so what came this year…

And the things I hung onto had me make the worst decisions ever…I mean ever…

Childhood abuse is something way different than adult abuse…

In this way…

Children do not seek it…look for it…it is dumped on them…by us big ole stupid adults…(and if I used another word besides stupid..I would be stepping over the boundary line of operating in love)….

Children are love…perfection…and then we come along and unlove them…

So if you are a child of abuse…and are now an adult…get aid….go talk about those things…get them out…

For one reason…you get to see you..in all your glory..the magnitude….of you…

And you can stop dwelling on the pain…and thinking about all that is wrong about you….because all that draws in…is…dump trucks full of people and events that confirm what you presently believe about yourself….

I did…EMDR…gave me the ability to say….

SO WHAT…..to my dad and kick his ass to the curb…

And not for a second would I believe on any level that I was damaged…dirty…smelly…broken…stupid….

All those things I believed that made me make…first class moronic decisions…wowozers….of bad decisions….

Those events hurt….yes indeed….

And the pain diminishes quickly…when a couple of things happen…

When you realize they were done to keep you in a hidden fearful position….because they get…even if you do not right now….(and you will with me hounding you about how beautiful…talented and exquisite you are)…

They did it because they know what you are….

And it is only one word…..LOVE….and on a side note I will add amazing….cause you are…and so am I…

And when you realize these were things that were done to you….they are not you…

As a child it is very hard to recognize that….and as you grow…you think this is normal behavior..yet you are in such confusion…trying to figure out what you have done to deserve it….

You have done nothing….

Not even the person…who became and adult…drank and had irresponsible behaviors…

You acknowledge…forgive yourself…( I know what you thought I was going to say)….count all your fingers and toes…tell all that sickness that comes from carrying around hate in you..really self hate…to take a hike…

AND…take control of this heart….be still…

Because all those things that happened to you…are just things…

They may have left physical scars…I know…I have a few…

And they may have made you say things you wish you could pull right back in…And they may have had you do things that make you want to vomit on your shoes….

All those things that make you feel dirty…ugly..filthy..useless…better off dead…stupid…slow…good for only one thing…mean…hateful…

ARE LIES……

They did nothing to you…they cannot alter this soul…they cannot even harm this soul…

All they have the ability to do is make you think lies…and then propagate them…

Until one day…you demand a peek at you…

And begin that journey….

And you can do what I did….

SO WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And this year for Christmas….I aint sitting around with a bunch of people who want to critique me…tell me how I need to feed their sickness….because they know what I am…

Let me tell you…they aint got a clue….

I will be still and celebrate what this time of the year means….

And it is not…I repeat…NOT to buy the better gift…or one up someone…or to be honest…buy each other…and our children…even as they are adults….

It is not to pressure each other….

It is to be still…and appreciate this time of renewal…preparation…and find your heart…

Rather than stamp a dollar bill on something and say…aren’t you cute….

Today is not your day….

Stop condoning..jealousy…and hate….and envy…and gossip….

We need to shut our blooming mouths…and stop ignoring and dissing people because they make us uncomfortable(I have a good story for that…but I will save it for another time)…

Try this….

Go look in the mirror…and say something positive…which would be truthful about you…

And then go love yourself….

And do not believe in damaged goods…in yourself or anybody else….it is a lie…

SO WHAT………………………

I love you…..

 

My word for 2015….

•December 15, 2014 • Leave a Comment

My word for 2015…..

My word for 2015….

•December 15, 2014 • 3 Comments

Oh well lets be a bit crazy and say my word for Forever….

LOVE

It is the only thing I will write about..speak about….do about…

Having my final moment in fear and anger yesterday….

I said…Enough….

I make my history..my story…

And I have this huge hand in well…bringing in…anything…

All I will have in my life….is LOVE….

Hear love..speak love…see love…be love…

Nothing else is allowed to step over the threshold of this soul…

Nothing but love…

You can poo…hoo…me for well forever…

And my only reply will be this…

I love you….

BTW…

My sons…I love you…

And their Daddy…love him too…

You are all amazing….

And my dad..who spent a lifetime…creating hate….love him too…

BTW…

I Love YOU….

 

OMG….It is not a What If….

•December 15, 2014 • Leave a Comment

OMG….It is not a What If…..

OMG….It is not a What If….

•December 15, 2014 • Leave a Comment

What if you were to pause for a moment…

I know..quite difficult to do…

But for a second…let this pass to you..through you and wrap around you…

This….

What if you understood….

That there is nothing…nothing you have to do…to get…

Food…

Water…

Clothing…

Shelter…

Safety….

What if…your existence…this spirit within this physical body…got all those things and more….

Simply by fact of creation…

Nothing has to be done..to earn them…

Or deserve them…

No class system…of those get…those do not…

No..poor wretched sinner I am…so until I can “correct” myself…I go without…

No…if I do this…or perhaps that..I can have groceries…

Nothing…

Except this…

It is yours…

The gift…by being born…

Air..Food…Clothing…Shelter..Safety…

Oh yes…and LOVE….

BTW..that is all there really is…

Except our stupid..moronic attempts to erase each other off this planet…

Time to say Goodbye to Daddy….

•December 8, 2014 • Leave a Comment

I tend to be straightforward…not one to mince words…

perhaps that is why I like Louise Hay and her books….any of her books

And Pam Grout and any of her books….

They speak the truth..the real truth…and nothing but the truth…so help me God…

Hey isn’t that from some court thing…maybe long ago…

We tend to be in a pickle with jobs…people…clothing…because we will not be truthful…

Especially not with ourselves…..

So we would much rather believe the lie someone is selling to us…because we will believe the lie rather than the truth…about oneself….

yet you got to get past all those poor decisions…and maybe for some it was one poor decision…and see that you believed this world…well rather than the Creator….

You know the one..the energy that created you…that resides in you….the one that is sitting with you right now…

Telling you not to beat yourself up…we have a tendency to lean in that direction…when you have been pounded on….

And we all been pounded on….

We are so used to lying to each other…because of terror that we might have these naughty things inside of us..that were created because we believe lies….

tell me…if you saw yourself as a perfect…(no I did not misprint that word)…PERFECT….beautiful creation, without flaw…and able to do anything….

Would you look at porn…

Would you tell your friends and family your partner was problematic so your own ummm blunders looked like a walk in the park….

Would you talk to your parents like you just fished them out of the sewer….

And blame them for your well…because lack of a better word failures…

Would you stop doing something you love…because in someone else eyes it made them look bad….

Would you throw someone away because your child likes having you…no make that loves having you drunk..stupid and dependent…on them for any part of you….

Would you tell someone you wanted them near you..to be in your space…just to be…because you loved the life…creativity and warmth of them….and then later you reveal you could really care less…and tell them you want cash…because well they are breathing too much air…

We all believe some lie and then make another lie to cover for the fact we believe the lie…and then do something else…because we are lying…

Yes I know..kind of harsh words…but truth….

So I had a revelation….

After reading all these books..which I will read again…and then putting into practice a lot of the techniques and principles and experiments…I found these results…

The telling myself truth affirmations about myself and others…enabled me when I was faced with some brutality….

To tell myself the truth….

And to sit in quiet preponderance and thought….and be still as God asks me to.

To realize…I had been lied to…but not by me…

And what another had been telling me I was “good” for was a lie….and I had to let them ponder it….and not interject…because we all have the tendency to want to prettify everything….

And if they chose to stay there…they did..but when I realized truth..I realized I would not be homeless…I would have more food than I needed…I would not suffer….God…yes God…would provide everything…

God has always been there…waiting with bated breath to shower me in truth….I wanted lies…and I waited for miracles….

Yet miracles cannot come until I let it happen…

When I say..to the one making lies a reality moment after moment….

You got it all wrong…you got me all wrong….and they want to walk away…or pretend they want you to go…

Remember this….

YOU ARE A PERFECT CREATION…BEAUTIFUL ABOVE WORDS…WITHOUT FLAW….SO ASTOUNDING THE UNIVERSE APPLAUDS CONTINUOUSLY….

And if someone cannot see that…I bet you all the money I make in the world…that behind that lie…they are trying so hard for you to swallow is the truth….

Is the truth…is that someone and something…who thinks and will always think your eyes are filled with stars and they deserve you…and do something else we have become highly unfamiliar with….

They CHERISH you….

So read those books..or get online and read their blurbs on their blogs….and find out about you…

And when someone hands you a line…like well porn answered my questions…

You can hand them their coat…laden with lies….and let them sit with it…by your silence…

And let God work…

Let God work…

Truth is the easiest thing to find..we just have to get past ourselves…

Start by looking at another’s face…an marvel….wowo…how did all that happen…and look how wondrous it turned out….

look at a tree…and leaves and smell the pine or oak….and think as you watch the leaves fall off of trees and shortly..in a breath they will come back…

And do one more thing…

Go stand in front of the mirror….yes you….the one in the pajamas or sweat pants….

And look at that beauty….my oh my you are gorgeous….

And say…”I love myself therefore I will tell myself no more lies…and not allow myself to be lied to…”

And I know it feels weird…I am in the same space…wondering if tomorrow I will be on a corner frozen like a Popsicle…

But I wont be…because that is a lie…

And truth is the only reality…this other stuff are great shows…

And truth always comes forth…ALWAYS….

And be still….

 

 

The need….to go backwards….

•December 3, 2014 • 1 Comment

Let me explain….

I was a big fan of self help books for years….

And not those creative souls like Louise Hay and Wayne Dyer and Pam Grout.

No I was the reader of the books like…”Women who love too Much”…..Co-dependent no more”…you know the ones I am talking about…and the many self help steps that required you forsaking yourself and always looking out….

Because I always..like most people…including those from other countries…thought I was broken….and I needed some fixing…and the best that could be done is maybe duct tape..but watch out for drafts, water and quick tugs….

The whole assembly of you pieced together with bubble gum…might just unravel….

And I did…unravel….

And there are things I AINT doing another second of my life….

Like trying to get people to like me..who do not even like themselves…and doing some sort of antics of playing along with their sickness…over and over again…well makes me a “good” person..and I am qualified to be in their presence…oh I am so grateful….(snide humor)….

Like waiting for another to give approval that I deserve food and shelter regardless if I am working 12 hour days bringing in the bucks…keeping their illness alive….

Like they have any control on what God..this Universe will provide for me….

hey in all honesty…I am the one withholding from me…I told God…I aint worth food and shelter….

And the Universe…waiting with bated breathe…asking me to open up my arms and flood me with everything…

Watches me…say….I aint worth having a cookie…

And the Universe…God must oblige….

Because truer words were never spoken then these words….

Our thoughts create our world..Our thoughts and words are beliefs we speak life into…

We make today..this second…tomorrow happen..one way….

OUR THOUGHTS…..

And I get it is hard….

Because when you have been thinking your whole life that you have to learn the dance steps…and you feel you got two left feet….

It is easier to believe…you deserve nothing…and are stupid…ugly..useless..untalented..unskilled….

Better suited working 12 hour days for people who do not care about your next breath…and that you can barely feed yourself…or those beautiful children you and I have…who we suddenly see as a burden…yep that one pinched….

Do something for me….

And it will make you squirm…

Say this….

I am Worthy…

And find something even if it is a piece of candy…or that pink scarf…or a sandwich or a breeze to cool you…or a warm heat spot..to know what smiles feel like again….

Just for a moment..say it…

I am worthy…and put your ending on that…fill in the blank….

And squeeze your heart tight and believe it….just believe it….

And let God..the Universe give it to you….

And try..like me..to not refuse..slap the hand…make a crass joke…think you do not deserve…

Let it come to you…even if it is a mint….

Ask God..to let you see something…you would not normally see….something outrageous….

Like a polka dot car….

I did…and they were everywhere…

And smile…

And this I tell myself…

Because I sat here this morning in shame…

How careless of me..I thought…

To want to be what I was meant to be…

I am an artist people…and I will never be happy until I am doing that 24/7…..

I am worthy….

And God..the Universe….

will provide….

And they are waiting like giddy schoolgirls on a first date….

Because it is yours for the taking…

You aint taking anybody else’s stuff….this is all yours…

There is no deprivation…shortage….that is a lie..to keep you from asking…and believing…

Keep you going backwards….

Because everyone who hates himself…who wants you to believe you need to be a movie star and find your worth through them….will make themselves known…

As if they already haven’t…right??????

I dare you….to trust…

Because what you see is not real….

What is inside…the being of beauty is the only reality that exists….

 
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